kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
