I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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