she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
