There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
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I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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