Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
