i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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