Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
