I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
