I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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