it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
