last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
