Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
