I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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