Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
