WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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