Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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