Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
