I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
