it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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