i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
