I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
