You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
