I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I love you. Go after that dick
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
