I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
