...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just want nice things and good sex
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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