She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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