you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
