Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
