very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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