I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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