I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
