god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
