I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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