I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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