pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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