My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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