Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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