And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
