I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
