We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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