is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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