Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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