Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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