If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
