Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
