He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
