i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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