am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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