Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
