Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
