PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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