I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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