i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
