if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
