Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
