I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
