There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
