we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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