There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
