I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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