remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
