I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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