i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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