i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
