Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
