So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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