My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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