dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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