So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
