that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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