hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
