Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
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Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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