New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
