I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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