I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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