I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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