did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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